I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
