yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Small penises have feelings too.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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