I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
