Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
