Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
