you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
