I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
