If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
