Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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