we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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