I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
