I've blown a few things in my day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
