Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
