You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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