We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
As shirtless as possible
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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