Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
