a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
