She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
