i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
