I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
