You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
