yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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