She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
