It's like God shit irony all over that family
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
