Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
