I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
