oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
