Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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