actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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