Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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