officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
