Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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