First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
