help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
