onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
