She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
