so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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