Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
