My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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