It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
