Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
