with your own penis?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
