yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
