True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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