Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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