I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
