I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
