Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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