my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
