I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
