she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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